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CHAPTER 2 – ON THE ROAD

  ROAD RAGER

  There is no time to stop and chat

  I have to get to work

  I’m in a flaming hurry

  And I’m about to go berserk.

  The traffic’s banked up on the bridge

  There is no room to move

  So come on you in the beat up van

  Get ya bum in gear, now man!

  Oh for heaven’s sake

  What’s wrong with you?

  Catch up to the other cars!

  You had a thousand chances,

  I’ll make you see some stars!

  BARP! BARP! BARP!

  AH HA! A chance to pass!

  Take that you bloomin’ idiot!

  Put that up your (bleep)

  Now, what’s that I see coming up ahead

  She didn’t use her blinker!

  SCREECH! SCREECH!

  Friggle! Frazzle! Growl! Gruzzle!

  You stupid little stinker!

  I’ve had enough of idiots

  And time is running out

  I’ll ignore this light that’s just turning red

  And drive on through, no doubt

  BEEBLE! BEEBLE!

  Oh, what damn rotten luck!

  Hello officer – I’m sorry sir

  It’s just that I was stuck

  I’m in a kinda hurry

  …well yes, the fine’s two hundred bucks?

  SUNDAY DRIVER

  Hello, fellow motorists

  I’m pleased to meet you all

  I’m your friendly Sunday driver

  Who’ll drive you up the wall.

  Why to me motoring’s a pleasure

  When I embark upon the road

  I savour every moment

  With my precious people load.

  There are many views and scenes

  As we tour along our way

  Let us take it at our leisure

  We have all this fine long day.

  The road is such a friendly place

  Every motorist gives a toot

  Then they show me one long finger

  And scream: “Why don’t you walk, you silly coot!”

  I’m the man who wears the hat

  With a queue behind, a mile long

  As I cruise along at 40 kay

  Whistling a happy song.

  In my six cylinder Mercedes

  My motor just on cool

  I turn my indicator on

  As I veer towards the school.

  Oops, I forgot to look to my right

  But that nice lady saves the day

  Her car has such good brakes

  So I continue on my way.

  Now we end our journey

  Turn left into my drive

  Everyone is safe and sound

  And I am still alive.