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CHAPTER 3 – PARENTHOOD

  PREGNANT!

  I don’t like your breath, my darling

  I don’t like my breath too

  I feel nauseous most of the day

  Like I’m about to spew.

  I’m sleepy in the morning

  And sleepy all the day

  I’m sleepy in the evening

  Oh darling, what can I say

  Please close the door behind you

  I don’t like the smell of food

  You see all of that fine cooking

  Makes me sick, sorry I’m rude

  It’s all your fault, my darling

  You made me feel this way

  Now don’t disturb my baby

  Wherein my womb it lay

  So, no more sex, my darling

  At least until I’m due

  Well, just this once, I tell you

  But no more till it’s due.

  I’M A LEARNER’S PERMIT DADDY

  I’m a learner’s permit daddy

  Kitted out for my little girl

  My mind’s all of a boggle

  My heart’s in quite a whirl

  I passed my nappy change diploma

  With an award of golden poo

  But I’m scared I might drown her

  So bathing is overdue

  I haven’t quite mastered baby-talk

  And milk I can’t provide

  Since my breasts are kinda small

  And her mouth is mighty wide.

  Sleeping is her fav’rite pastime

  With mummy’s milk a second best

  Poos and pees are done anytime

  Whether awake or quietly at rest.

  She’s my precious gem

  As Jemimah is her name,

  A pretty tiny femme

  That sets my heart aflame.

  JEM’S CHRISTENING DAY

  Joy to the world

  The angels did say

  When a certain girl infant

  Happened our way

  God sprinkled his blessings

  From heaven above

  Showering Jemimah

  With all his love.

  The waters of life

  Were poured over her head;

  A new journey begun

  A new daily bread.

  Kissing her forehead,

  Her crown he anointed

  Now Jesus has sealed her

  A Christian appointed.

  Glad friends and family

  Celebrated, surrounded,

  A banquet prepared

  With fun unbounded.

  WHY

  I know it is inevitable

  In every child’s days

  That the question must be posed

  That no-one can erase

  The question seems quite simple

  But it’s worrying as a pimple

  It slips by in one quick syllable

  Yet the impression is indelible

  No greater question can be asked

  And no answer can be found

  For no sooner do you answer

  Then another level comes around

  And it is that same dogged question

  That smacks you in the face

  Harder than ‘Green Eggs and Ham’

  Can YOU hack the pace?

  Oh why do we give them this power?

  Why, oh why, oh why?

  I am caught in this infinity

  And I fear that I must lie

  Why?

  There is no reply

  Yet they will not give up

  They will not accept a sigh

  I can only shrug or pass the buck.

  “Go and ask your mother”

  But soon the four-year-old returns

  To query with another!

  CHAPTER 4 – TECHNOLOGY

  MOBILE (CELLPHONE) MADNESS

  You find them on street corners

  Stuck to someone’s ear

  And in busy offices

  With people on their rear.

  Like buzzing black cicadas

  They call out in refrain

  Those annoying little mobiles

  That drive us all insane.

  They’re found in toilet cubicles

  Where privacy is no more

  And invade our sacred places

  And on every nation’s shore.

  Even the church and library

  Echo to their sound

  Those annoying little mobiles

  Upwardly mobile, outward bound.

  In our dining venues

  Now smokers changed their tone

  Instead of lighting Winfields

  They switch on their mobile phone.

  It’s enough to drive you crazy

  This digital invasion

  Those annoying little mobiles

  Sing at every occasion.

  I can hear them everywhere

  With their many varied songs

  And people chatting happily

  Going hammer and tongs.

  They wear them boldly on their hips

  In smart leather cases

  Those endearing little mobiles

  That every person chases.

  Telstra, Optus and Vodaphone

  Compete for your attention;

  They are a status symbol

  With numbers too long to mention.

  You can pay right through the nose

  Or buy a pre-paid model

  Those wonderful little mobiles

  That we moddle-coddle.

  TWEETING WITH MY BFF

  Twitter, Twitter, Tweet, Tweet ...

  Got the networking scene beat

  Twitter, Twitter, Tweet, Tweet ...

  I’m on Facebook and it’s neat

  Twitter, Twitter, Tweet, Tweet ...

  I’m on Twitter and I Tweet

  I’m making LOL with my BFF

  FYI, I’ve got the friends

  I’m on the net, I’m really set

  Oh BTW, ASAP

  and WTH, I’m feelin’ free

  Yeah, THX for chatting me

  Cuz GTG, that’s got to go

  Twitter, Twitter, Tweet, Tweet ...

  Twitter, Twitter, Tweet, Tweet ...

  ###

  About the author:

  Paul lives in Mackay on the tropical Queensland coast of Australia. He is a journalist and author of The Wizard’s Sword fantasy novel. He founded the Mackay-Pioneer Valley Arts Council Writers Group (Mackay Writers) and lives with his wife, Brigida, daughter Jemimah, four budgerigars and a cat called Snowy.

  Discover his fantasy title The Wizard’s Sword at:

  Connect with me online:

  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Wizards-Sword-and-The-Three-Stones-of-Destiny/233451400011128

  Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/PaulVanderloos

  My blogs: https://wizardsword.wordpress.com/

  https://editorspen.wordpress.com/